Comfort and Prayers

We keep praying for another miracle in Mason's life. I know we shouldn't be so greedy, but it would be nice to have just one more. I realized sometime today or yesterday that we've been in exactly this same spot before. We've heard the same words from the doctors twice before in Mason's life: once when we found out I didn't have enough amniotic fluid and a second time the night Mason was born. We've heard the doctors say there's nothing more they can do to help him. We can either choose to support him and keep him comfortable or choose to withdraw treatment. Both times before, we prayed for a miracle and it came to us, Mason lived. We, again, pray for a miracle.

We made some adjustments to Mason's sedatives yesterday in hopes that he would have a more restful night and be a little more awake today. Well, last night it didn't work, and today he slept much of the day, but did have a couple of good awake times. We continue to adjust to see if we can find the right schedule. Today we were able to play a little bit - Mason still prefers the medical stuff to his own toys - as Mama helped to support him in sitting. From being paralyzed and sedated so long, Mason is now no longer able to sit up by himself and can barely hold his own head up (it is a huge noggin after all). The awake times are wonderful and painful all at the same time; they give us another opportunity to play with our son, but leave us wondering if that was the last time. We, again, pray for a miracle.

We spoke to the doctor again today about Mason. Over the past few days he's had some good times and the bad times seem to not last quite as long. We've been able to turn down his oxygen a bit without too much change in his oxygen saturations - not enough decrease in the oxygen to make a difference in the damage to his lungs, but it's a start, right?? We were able to turn down the nitric oxide without much change. I think I was hoping that she would say that she has seen something she didn't expect; that Mason was doing better than she thought, but those words didn't come. She reiterated that Mason's prognosis is not good. That we will continue to do things to support him, but he likely will not survive. She repeated what the doctor last week said: that she couldn't tell us how long he had, but we can at least keep him comfortable during the time that he has. She did tell us that we should not lose hope because that is what will help us to get through each day, but that Mason's vital signs and blood gases support the same prognosis as last week. Hope is a blessing and a curse. It allows us to keep putting one foot in front of the other, but then can allow us to get knocked down so fast we didn't know what hit us. We, again, pray for a miracle.

We, again, pray for a miracle. May we please have another one?